There’s something deeply frustrating about having a mind full of thoughts and ideas but not always knowing how to express them. Sometimes it feels like my brain is in a constant brainstorming session where the flow of thoughts and feelings never really stops.

That’s been me lately.

Actually, that’s always been me.

For as long as I can remember, my mind has been busy with questions, ideas and feelings that I haven’t always known how to express. Speaking doesn’t always come easily to me. Words get stuck or jumbled and sometimes they simply fall short of what I’m trying to say.

My mind is always buzzing with stories I want to tell and designs I want to create. There are unfinished drawings waiting for me and melodies I’ll probably never record. There are also sentences I wish I could say out loud but can’t quite put together. It feels like I have a hundred tabs open in my head and every one of them wants my attention at the same time.

It’s not that I don’t want to express these things. I just don’t always know how to.

Sometimes I try to draw them. Other times I write or play something on a random instrument or simply doodle. But somehow, the result still doesn’t match the clarity I feel inside.

It can be frustrating. At the same time, there’s something strangely comforting about it. Maybe it’s proof that there is still so much inside me that I haven’t figured out how to let out.

Art, in all its forms, has become my outlet. It gives me a way to speak without always needing the perfect words. Lately, I’ve also turned to writing, not necessarily for anyone else but as a way to understand myself.

I’m realizing that even when it’s difficult to articulate what’s happening inside me, there is still value in trying. There is value in creating and in simply showing up.

I think many creatives, whether they call themselves artists or not, understand this feeling. There’s always an itch to create something and a feeling that there is something waiting to be expressed.

But what happens when there are too many things to say and too many ways to say them?

Sometimes, it leaves me frozen.

Should I draw it? Should I write about it? Maybe I should turn it into a song. Or maybe I should just sleep and think about it again tomorrow.

I admire people who can focus on one thing and simply go for it. I’ve tried to be that way, but my interests seem to have their own voices. One idea pulls me toward painting while another makes me want to write a story. Then another makes me wonder if I could turn it into an animation.

It’s beautiful and exhausting at the same time. Sometimes it feels like being a one-person creative circus with no ringmaster.

I’m starting to believe that maybe it’s okay.

Maybe the messiness is part of the art. Maybe the silence before the words come out is part of the music. Maybe we don’t have to force every idea into a finished piece right away. Some things might simply need to stay inside us a little longer until they find their own form.

In a world that moves so quickly and constantly asks us to know what we want and act on it, sometimes the most honest thing we can do is pause. We can sit with the messiness and the beauty and the silence and slowly shape them into something that feels true.

I made a short video as my way of pressing pause. It’s my attempt to express something through film.

Taking photos and recording videos has become second nature to me, especially when I’m out and about. But I realized that I rarely include myself in the frame in a meaningful or creative way. So this time, I challenged myself to become part of the story instead of always being behind the camera.

I’ve always wanted to try that.

It honestly feels a little awkward putting this out there, hehe, but I learned something through the process. Once you start, you begin to figure things out. The things that feel off can be improved and you grow from there.

The video isn’t perfect, but it’s a first step. And for now, I think that’s enough.

My goal is to eventually create aesthetic-style videos, although I’m still learning how to achieve the look I have in mind with the editing software I’m using.

For now, I’m just happy that I finally gave one of those many ideas in my head a place to exist. You can watch the video on my YouTube channel or right here.

edit…

I decided to set the video to private. After a few days of sitting with it, something about it just didn’t feel right. Maybe it’s just me but I started feeling anxious, like I had shared too much, too soon. So instead, I’m shifting my focus back to something that feels more natural right now, my animation projects.

Still, I’m grateful for the experience. It helped me realize something important, I do want to create and tell stories, but that doesn’t mean I always need to be seen. If I can share what’s in my heart through my work, that’s enough. Quiet storytelling still matters.

Thanks for being here.

love, celeste