I Became the Love I Was Looking For
The quiet strength of the unloved child. Punch the monkey story and the love we learn to give ourselves.
I Became My Own Safe Place
When I saw Punch-kun go viral, his story moved me instantly. It wasn’t just empathy, it was recognition. Something in his story felt familiar to me. I know that ache. I know exactly how it feels, growing up without a mother.
Being abandoned at a young age you grow up searching for belonging, for arms that feel like home. That lifelong longing for a mother’s care, knowing something from your childhood was missing, the feeling of being loved. Questioning your own worth. Wondering what it’s like to carefree enjoy because you know someone is always there for you. It wasn’t easy.
But I survived. Because surviving was the only option. Survival became my instinct. There was no other choice. Through the years of growing and living, I learned to cope and live a normal life. Normal on the outside, as people see it but inside my heart and soul, there was so much going on.
I distracted myself with the hustle, with fun, with movement. Yet deep in every fiber of my being, something felt incomplete. There’s a hole I didn’t know how to fill. It was difficult to find my people. To truly fit in and share my life with those who would care. I carried wounds I didn’t even know were wounds, until I began recognizing them these recent years.
I was able to begin my healing. I learned acceptance, practiced compassion, and most of all, chose forgiveness even without it being asked.
I am grateful for the people I met along the way. The ones who “come and go”, and the ones who stayed. Especially the person who sees me for who I truly am. And life, in its mysterious kindness, gave me five children. Through them, I felt a love so pure it rewrote parts of me. It may not have been the love I once longed to receive, but the love I give them and the love they give back is more than enough. It is powerful enough to transform me. Motherhood feels like being allowed to play again. To return to the little girl inside me and rebuild my life gently.
Looking back, I see now that every painful step shaped the woman I am becoming. They were preparation. There has always been a reason why I had to go through those challenges. I was made to be brave and strong. To break cycles and never repeat the same patterns again. To choose differently.
The greatest thing I learned was meeting my soul at its core. To know that I can still be kind, even when I have every reason not to be. Not because I am weak, but because that is my nature. I realized how big my heart is through forgiveness and understanding showed me my strength. But it can be both a blessing and a curse.
Once you get through it, you change. You became a different person. Forgiveness does not mean the absence of boundaries. Growth makes you wiser. You no longer allow yourself to be used or diminished whether by blood or by bond. You learn to trust your intuition, your energy and your inner voice.
That is the real challenge of life.
To love yourself first.
To choose yourself.
Not to live just to please others.
I’m hoping the best for Punch. The process may be painful, but I see a very strong soul formed in the fire.
And if you see yourself in this story too, know that you are not alone.
There is something unseen guiding you. This phase will not last forever.
You are becoming stronger than you realize.
Celeste❀